Just Thinking - a free verse poem

I was thinking that if I were standing
In the middle of a crowd
And you were looking for me
You'd be blinded by the noise
And by the sound
Even if I shouted and
Tried to be clear
You wouldn't hear me
You'd still be there
And I'd be here
The sky above is blue
And the grass below is green
But those distinctive colors are blocked
By the air that's in between
It's brown and muddy foggy
That's why we lose our way
And can't find all that we're looking for
The songs to sing and words to say
And in the millions billions
Of people in the world
What are the chances
Of picking one shy girl?
To be the leader
Person speaker
That can command attention
There's no reason I'd be picked
Even if, I'd hand in my rejection
I don't want to be a great
Or anybody bigger than pencil on a slate
Things make their own worth
They can decide their own weight
I don't choose to make decisions
I'd just make fumbles, collisions
In my mind I'm even tinier
Than you can see
If I was picked to be a greater
Out of all, me
I'd give it up to someone else
I'm not meant
I'd be bent
And stuffed inside myself
While everybody out there
Isn't ready to face the day
I'm not ready to come all out
To stand up and say
What I believe
Or how I live
I'm too afraid to walk
And then on top of that
I'm too afraid to talk
But if I had the time
To think about it all
I don't really have to worry
I'm not up against the wall
It's not like I'm some person
That everybody sees
I'm not great or even strong
Just small, just quiet me
But with that all being said
I've still got things in my head
Inside this frame is power
At times hard to see
But still it's there
Quiet, breathing, dancing
And after all of this speculation
About being picked out of all
The population
Since I know I was already
It's kind of just creativity
I don't need to regret the words
I've said here or spoken
But I can remember them
Leave them here as a token
That I have a mind
And it's ready to be used
And if needed to be fused
With other minds that are just as great
As I pretend to be
Or know that I am
Inside already
And I give myself up
To the end
Letting go
The need to know
And sitting back
Just free